爱上一个人是一种奇妙的体验，无数的流行歌曲、电影、文学作品都在试图描绘陷入爱情的人们，似乎整个世界都在围绕爱情展开。然而，不似那些虚构的故事总有动人的转折和完美的结局，现实是，交友网站每天都会有新面孔出现，走出门就有机会结识异性，我们仍然很难和一个人开展一段浪漫关系。 是什么阻碍我们走向对的人？婚恋顾问总结了一些常见原因： 1.对亲密的恐惧 享受恋爱和陪伴的快乐，却害怕承诺，害怕成为别人的男（女）朋友，这是抗拒亲密的一种情况。而更常见的情况是害怕暴露弱点而无法真正打开自己，就像对外界设置了一道无形的墙。自信在爱情中至关重要，很多人无法投入爱情，是因为内心深处认为自己不值得拥有。这类信念通常可以追溯到童年，改变它并不容易，但你可以尝试去关注事物的积极面，着重放大自己的优势，这会给你一定的信心。同时，不要担心对方因为你的不完美选择离开，当敢于袒露脆弱，你们的关系往往会突飞猛进。 2.时间精力分配不当 学业、工作、存款、房子、身份、人际关系……想要在这个社会稳定立足，不同的人生阶段，我们不得不在一些事上投入精力，甚至“三十而立”只是一个美好的愿望，很多人到了三十几岁还不确定未来定居在哪里。不少人会倾向于一切稳妥后再寻找长期的亲密关系。“我现在没有时间”、“我现在精力不够”，是很真实的理由，同时也是很可怕的借口。人生本就是多线并行的，当下只专注一件事情往往只是理想状态，你想要等待最佳的时机去恋爱，但对的人未必会在你准备好一切的时候出现。 3. 择偶方向的偏差 每个人对爱情都有独特的看法，然而，它的形成与社会评价体系以及大众传媒放送的内容息息相关。于是，绝大多数人都在寻找一个普遍意义上的“优秀”的人，而相处的如何全凭运气。这也导致了现代人在择偶中一个常见错误——花更多时间与一个优秀的人试图培养默契，而不是去寻找真正契合的人。还需要强调的一点是，每个人的头脑中都会有理想型应该有的样子，但结识异性时，如果带着的不是好奇心，而是已经预设好的模板，大概率你会在真正了解一个人之前就错过他，这无疑在降低你找到对的人的概率。 4.爱商有待提高 爱商，是指我们了解爱本质的程度和正确地接受和表达爱的能力。如果你总是无法和潜在对象建立亲密链接，未必是你运气不好，很可能你的爱商还有待提高。爱商的培养可以通过后天学习，缺乏恋爱经历的人更容易在爱商上出现问题。 总是被动等待对方有所表示经常为找不到聊天话题苦恼不知道如何对喜欢的人展示自己和异性单独相处感到不自在 如果你不是主动选择单身，并且已经或者打算为脱单积极地付出行动，可以参考婚恋顾问给大家的几个脱单tips，它们能够在一定程度上纠正你可能正在犯的错误。 1.想办法认识新朋友 不要让忙碌或者懒惰成为你无法脱单的理由。首先你要明白，如果除了工作，你大部分时间都呆在家里，或者你只和固定的朋友交往，那么你真的很难脱单。你需要去认识新朋友，为此，你可以给自己定一个目标，比如：每个月获得几个新朋友的联系方式、奔赴几次约会。然后，想办法达成目标。 除了使用线上交友平台，参加不同形式的单身交友活动，在你喜欢的场合或者活动中结识志同道合的人，可能会减轻你的心理压力，让整个过程更愉悦。比如尝试通过以下途径： 报名瑜伽、舞蹈、烹饪、绘画等兴趣班成为公益活动的志愿者找到与你兴趣爱好相关的俱乐部 如果你想提高脱单的效率，注意有针对性地拓展自己的交友圈，选择合适的场所开展社交。打个比方，你喜欢温文尔雅、学识渊博的人，那么读书会上有更高的概率认识更多这样的人，而不是酒吧。 2.释放单身信号 如果不确定你是否单身，有些人可能会望而却步，主动释放单身信号非常必要，能够帮助你吸引更多潜在对象的注意。 记得修改你在社交平台的“情感状态”通过聊天内容给出暗示。比如提到一个人生活遇到的麻烦事在社交平台发布动态给出暗示。比如在朋友圈发几张自拍，自嘲自己拍照技术的同时表达你期待未来有一个会拍照的男/女朋友 3.重新审视你的需求 如果不清楚自己在感情中真正的需求是什么，即使不断认识新的人，尝试开展新的关系，也只是在盲目增加试错成本。以防你的择偶方向有问题，你可以尝试重新梳理你的需求。 梳理你最看重的未来伴侣的特质。身高180，年薪100万，25-28岁……这些未必是最重要的参数，它们容易调整和改变。试着专注于你理想的生活状态，你喜欢的两个人的相处模式。比如，你想要的另一半，是粘人的还是应该更注重独立空间？一个有主见的人和一个需要你拿主意的人，哪个更让你舒服？总结你明确不想要的特质，这一步非常重要，只要一个人触碰这些底线，你可以果断淘汰。比如，你不能接受异地恋，你不接受另一半抽烟。记住，你不是在定制一个伴侣，你只是在尽可能提炼自己的需求。最终你爱上的人一定能够满足你的核心需求，但未必拥有你想要的所有特质。 4.约会时遵循“三三原则” 约会阶段，婚恋顾问建议大家遵循“三三原则”，即同时约会三个以上对象，每个人约会至少三次。 第一印象并不总是可靠的，你的感觉可能是片面的。我们要尽可能带着开放的、客观的态度去了解他人，多给彼此时间去充分了解和沟通，建议你至少和一个人约会3次。同时接触多个人并非不真诚的表现，寻找爱情的过程本身也是我们不断了解自己的过程，多和不同的人接触，才能最快、最有效率验证自己的想法，找到最合适的人。确定了自己的意愿后再进入一对一关系才是对彼此负责的做法。 你在脱单中遇到的问题是什么呢？可以咨询两颗红豆婚恋顾问，获得有针对性的建议。
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After graduating with a PhD in Pharmacology, a classmate introduced a guy who works in the financial industry to her. In order to make a good first impression, she made “active” preparations. Considering that he works in Manhattan where women are fashionable, she bought a sexy short skirt and changed her look entirely. Then, she also tried to cram in on financial knowledge, even though she had never even opened a stock account before. On the day of the date, before he could even speak a word, she talked about her investment experience in the past six months. She wanted to create an image of a mature, intelligent and independent woman. Unexpectedly to her, the dating experience was extremely embarrassing. Her date didn’t say much, but left with an excuse in a hurry. Afterwards, her classmate who introduced them got a feedback from her date that she was very different from the initial information he got.
My name is V. “I am not spending my birthday alone next year”. This was my 29th birthday wish. I had friends planning on getting married, and friends planning on having a second child, whereas I’ve been stuck my head into work all these years, I felt like my life is so behind. Trying out 2RedBeans’ one on one service was just a gamble, after all, relationships are so complicated, love happens and ends without any signs, entering an exclusive relationship within three dates sounds like mission impossible.
I invested so much into you. Why wouldn't you respond to my love? Just because you are so invested in someone doesn’t always guarantee a good result. Before you two establish a relationship, he/she has no obligation to respond to you with an equal amount of love. Asking such a question simply does more harm than good. When we don’t receive positive feedback for the effort we put into someone, it’s easy to feel out of balance.
“Official announcement” was a trend started by celebrities and influencers that were adopted quickly by the people in the last few years. Announcing one’s partner on social media while showing off has become a common practice nowadays.
We have been collecting dating feedback from our friends and we found that there’s a huge difference when it comes to perception of love. Some people can describe their feelings accurately: “When she smiled at me, I can feel my heartbeat raising.”“We have a smooth conversation, but the spark is kind of missing.”
Today’s story is about Jude and Ann, a magnificent couple. Jude is forty-two years old, born in Guangzhou, Ann is forty years old, born in Beijing. Their personalities had a world of difference, and they weren’t each other’s ideal partner either. One worked in the U.S. while the other worked in Canada, distance and time-zone almost became a roadblock in their love journey. The possibility of their overlap was nearly impossible, but under 2RedBeans matchmaker Bessie’s introduction, they had their first video date this March. The two stayed on the phone for an entire five hour until their phone ran out of battery. After that, they would make long phone calls to make up for the time lost in each other’s past, the longest phone call being nineteen hours.
Recently, We’ve received a message that goes like: “I’ve never dated anyone before, what can I do to start a relationship? 母胎solo, single since birth, refers to people who’ve never dated their entire life. In fact they aren’t a minority. According to the National Bureau of Statistics and Ministry of Civil Affairs of 2019, Among China’s 240 million singles, 34% have never been in a relationship.
When looking for a partner, would you prefer someone with more or less experience? Regarding this question, we started a survey and here are the feedbacks. Some said they would prefer someone with less experience: “those who has been through a lot inevitably become more realistic, weighing out the pros and cons. I want a purer relationship if it means for them to have no experience at all.
Sending a good first message is important if you want to attract the person you approach online or meet in real life. Here are three steps for crafting your first message: 1. Include their name “Hi, Cindy!” or “Good afternoon, Ben!” Addressing them by name will start building rapport immediately and give off a good first impression. 2. Write sincere and meaningful compliments “I love your eyes in the pictures with you smiling. They really brighten my day!” Everyday compliments won’t attract someone’s attention. Try to point out something…
Have you ever experienced this? Awkward conversations on dates or conversations that never goes deeper? Psychologist Arthur Aron has developed a solution. 36 personal questions that will help you to get to know each other better. Research shows that intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated if both are willing to share personal details. If you want to know more about the 36 Questions, or if you have any other questions about dating or relationships, click here to make an appointment with a professional matchmaker from 2RedBeans! Below are the…
Data released by the National Bureau of Statistics and Ministry of Civil Affairs shows that the marriage rate among unmarried people is at a 5 year low of 7.2‰. Conversely, the divorce rate has been increasing steadily for the past 7 years. Nearly 40% of marriages do not last more than 2 years. According to research by China’s Justice Big Data Research Institute on 1.4 million divorce cases, the top reason for a divorce is incompatibility, which stands at 77.51%. This number far exceeds the second top reason for a…
Finding someone who’s outstanding in their profession? Easy. Finding someone who can take care of you? Easy. But can you find someone who you can truly understand you? Why do we place so much importance on the need to understand your other half? When someone understands you for you who are, you will then have the freedom to be yourself A friend of a matchmaker at 2RedBeans recently relocated to San Francisco for work. This brought her into a long distance relationship with her boyfriend, who works in New York…
“My Little One”, an entertainment show airing in Hunan, recently received a lot of attention. The show invites the fathers of female celebrities to watch the everyday lives of their daughters. As all of these women are single, it was inevitable that the discussions among the dads would center around this fact. Miss Xin, who is turning 35 this year, was one of the celebrities getting the most attention. Her career has plateaued and she’s had no luck with relationships. She’s worried about career advancement and about how marriage and…
This 520, 2RedBeans had a “Makeover for Singles” event to help answer your relationship and dating questions. With more than 600 responses, there was a large variety of questions asked. We grouped these questions into five main topics and had our matchmakers answer them for you. Our matchmakers may have the answers you’re looking for This week, we will be picking one lucky winner who will receive our high-end matchmaking consultation service valued at $3500. Questions involving communication Q: How long should I chat on dating app before meeting the…
Have you ever looked through profiles on 2RedBeans and noticed a few people with photos that looked different from their other photos? As if their photos were of two completely different people? How do you know which photo is the one that is truly representative of themselves? We discovered that when people swipe through profiles, the photo they believe represents the person is the one that looks “most realistic”. However, when our matchmakers met clients who had profiles on 2RedBeans, they realized most of them looked better in real life…
The Chinese drama All Is Well has captured the attention of many Chinese viewers. The most discussed character has been Mingzhe, the oldest brother in the show, who went back home to help his father and siblings after his mother died. With a bachelor from Qinghua, a graduate degree from Stanford, a green card in the US, a decent job and a happy family, he’s undoubtedly his family’s pride and joy. However, beneath the surface lies a vain, selfish and arrogant person whose personality has burdened his family more than…
“He’s a pretty good guy and I would say our date went pretty well. However, that’s it.” This isn’t the first time the matchmaking team at 2RedBeans has heard stories like this after our clients’ dates. It usually happens to those who don’t have as much dating experience. In part, this results from a misunderstanding between two people. Mostly, it stems from a lack of understanding of oneself. Before we go out and search for that special someone, we need to ask ourselves, “Who am I really?” Only after truly…
On the show “My Little One’, Papi酱, a famous YouTuber, made a comment about how one should prioritize their life. She believed they should go in this order: Yourself, your partner, your children, your parents. Why does she think this way? She reasoned you spend the most time with yourself. The next person to take up most of your time is your partner since your children and parents won’t be around you forever. The response on social media was not good with many saying she was thinking selfishly. Papi’s comment…
Valentine’s Day is here again. Every year, one of our colleagues gets together with their closest friends to have dinner. Every year, the subject of Valentine’s Day comes up. Last week was no exception. You can probably guess that everyone was sharing their plans. Some were talking about pre-ordering Tiffany, Cartier and Swarovski for their girlfriends. Others were talking about their reservations at Michelin star restaurants. When they asked Tina about her plans with Jim, her boyfriend, she simply said, “ We’re spending Valentine’s Day at home.” No one was…
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