When looking for a partner, would you prefer someone with more or less experience?

中文 | English

Translated by Nick Fang

When looking for a partner, would you prefer someone with more or less experience? Regarding this question, we started a survey and here are the feedbacks.

Some said they would prefer someone with less experience: “those who has been through a lot inevitably become more realistic, weighing out the pros and cons. I want a purer relationship if it means for them to have no experience at all.  

Some said, if I have little experience then I wouldn’t look for someone who’s experienced: “my two cents, if you are a rookie then don’t try to challenge the veteran unless you want to try a beating. She can see through you like a book. The stuff you try to surprise her with, she’s used to it. No matter what you do, it’s childish in her eyes. There’s no fun at all dating a girl like this”.

Some think that dating someone who’s more experienced gives them a better time: “of course you should look for someone who’s experienced. It’s like hiring people for a job, you have to start from zero with a rookie, and hope that he’s a quick learner and doesn’t cause you trouble. If he’s a veteran, he can come up with solutions quickly if you toss him a problem, dating someone like this saves so much time.

Some think that it’s dangerous to date someone who’s experienced: “experienced or not, it’s part of his past. I have no say in something that I’m not a part of. To me it doesn’t matter, dating takes many things into consideration, dating experience is just one of the many.

Clearly, there’s no right or wrong to this question, everyone has their opinions. We just wanted to discuss this problem with everyone on an objective basis.

How might more dating experience help?

First of all, we have to admit that there’s genetics when it comes to dating as well. Everyone is born with a different level. Some do badly in every relationship and end up breaking up for different reasons, and some go into marriage on their first try and live happily ever after. Luck is not the only deciding factor here, the latter may not only be superior when it comes to interpersonal skills but also learns and grows during the process. For those who are not blessed with luck, or those who aren’t quick learners, accumulation becomes even more important.

Having dating experience could help in such:

Knowing what type of partner is a good fit for you could help you save time.

Dating is a process of discovery of the self, it helps us realize what we want, what we don’t want, what we lack, what kind of problems we are prone to, what type of people we get along with, through this process we raise the chances of succeeding in the next relationship.

Knowing how to interact with the opposite gender

Having dating experience helps us with our ability to interact with others. Some grow up in an environment without friends of opposite gender, like those who only have same-sex siblings, they tend to know little about the differences between gender. Some have lots of opposite gender friends but interaction with friends is much different than interaction with loved ones.

The problems with lack of experience only show up when you are in a relationship. The need for communication, problem-solving, even a small detail can turn into a big problem. We can try to make up the differences through book knowledge, but actual practice is much more efficient.

However, there isn’t a causal relationship between one’s dating experience and maturity. Some don’t reflect on their past relationship and fail repeatedly on the same problem.

Dating experience isn’t just a number, we should look for more

There are common stereotypes about dating experience, in fact, those who are experienced aren’t necessarily players and those who are inexperienced aren’t necessarily tiring to date. We shouldn’t judge people based on a number; we should consider a person in a more complex way.

Understand the reasons for their past relationship’s failure

Someone who dated only once may not be loyal to that one relationship and those who dated many times could have put their heart into those relationships. Getting to know why one failed is more important than knowing how many times one failed. Paying attention to the details of their relationship in love and the mode of managing feelings is of more reference value for us.

Look for a growth mindset in their mode of relationship

Some believe that love is fatalism, they do as they feel, starting a relationship with consideration and ending it without reflection, taking “fate” as an excuse. People like these never grow up in a relationship. No matter how many times they’ve dated, they still have a rookie mindset. No one is born a genius, so the willingness to learn is super important.

See if they respect your emotional needs

Even though someone might be experienced, and knows how to handle a relationship, if he is selfish in a relationship, we are still going to have a hard time with them. So, to judge whether or not someone is a good candidate, we should consider their empathy, inclusiveness, and respect for your emotional needs to help with our decision.

Do you know how to get to get to know someone fast? Feel free to contact a 2RedBean consultants for advice.

Interested in helping us translate blogs from Chinese to English? Or helping us proofread the English version? Send us an email at blog@2redbeans.com .