The women who are so hard on themselves…

“My Little One”, an entertainment show airing in Hunan, recently received a lot of attention. The show invites the fathers of female celebrities to watch the everyday lives of their daughters. As all of these women are single, it was inevitable that the discussions among the dads would center around this fact.

Miss Xin, who is turning 35 this year, was one of the celebrities getting the most attention. Her career has plateaued and she’s had no luck with relationships. She’s worried about career advancement and about how marriage and a family can potentially affect it. As someone who prioritizes both her career and relationships, she was at her wits’ end. Many commented online that she was being too hard on herself and giving herself unnecessary stress.

However, like Miss Xin, there are many single Chinese women who left their families to come to a foreign country to pursue their dreams. What isn’t obvious to most of us is that beneath that fearlessness lies feelings of stress and pressure from having to balance goals of having a successful career and having a happy relationship and family.

Constant state of anxiety

According to Miss Xin, the need to be successful in her career is what stresses her out the most. Her biggest fear was hearing comments about why she hasn’t moved up in her career all these years as a host. Her mentor blamed it on “lack of luck”.

Indeed, luck is something most single Chinese women in overseas countries hope for. In many cases, they stay in a foreign country to pursue their dreams, dreams they can’t achieve back in China. Yet, as tightly as they hold on to these dreams, they also have to weather the uncertainties. Securing H1B visas, uncertainty in the job market, etc. All they need is a little bit of luck to deal with all these obstacles being thrown their way.

In addition, they also worry about their health. Miss Xin doesn’t seem to think women age as gracefully as men which has lead her to take a lot of supplements to “boost her health”. But due to her career pursuits, she’s been working late. Without the time to prepare her own meals, she often orders unhealthy take-out. This coupled with eating late has actually made her unhealthier.

Marriage is the unavoidable stress. Like any typical Chinese family, it wasn’t a secret that Miss Xin’s parents wanted their 35-year-old daughter to settle down and start a family. Miss Xin wants someone who is older, but due to how introverted she is, she only interacts with her small circle of friends. She has a “wait and see” attitude which her friends find weird. Her greatest fear? Rejection. “What’s the point of taking the initiative only to be hurt in the end when you realize that the other person isn’t interested in you at all?” Is she anxious? Definitely, especially since the kind of men she’s looking for gets fewer and fewer.

At 2RedBeans, we’ve come across many women just like Miss Xin. Illustrious and hardworking, they often put aside everything else to pursue their careers, only to hit a wall that they can’t seem to get past their parents’ expectations of them to settle down.

What’s worse is that there are people who can’t seem to understand predicament these women are in. Instead of offering a helping hand, they criticize them.

“What’s there to be anxious about?” On social media platforms like Weibo, many people commented that Miss Xin’s current situation is much better than most of the women in China. “What’s there to complain about? Especially with the amount of fans and admirers you have.” Similarly, Chinese women have been on the receiving end of the same snide remarks from. For example, some these women worry about fitting into their new work environments, fearing that they might not be able to communicate well with their new colleagues. Confiding to the ones closest to them turns out to be a mistake. Instead of reassurance, these women have to face comments about having “unattainable high expectations. These women gradually close themselves off and bottle up their fears. An uncomfortable reaction.

Amidst all these worries and fears, we want all women out there to know you don’t need to prove to someone that you are capable. Ultimately, you are in charge of your own life. You set your own goals. Become close with people who understand you and help you when you need it. Be around people who make you feel comfortable the way you are.

At 2RedBeans, we have seen many women, with the help and guidance from our matchmakers, find their loved ones. They managed to find someone who understood their fears and worries and are mature enough to help and guide these women to achieve the goals they’ve e set for themselves. They, like the single women out there, just need a bit of “luck” to find the ones that they are looking for. Are you one of them?

2RedBeans would like to be the one to help you find the person you are looking for. Click here for a 10-minute consultation with our matchmakers.

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