2RedBeans Dating 101: How to understand someone inside out within three dates
During every post-date consultation, our 2RedBeans matchmakers often receive feedback and comments such as:
“Hmm… We had a nice conversation, but I’m still unsure if she is suitable for me since I didn’t feel anything special about her…”
“He takes the initiative and we have been on a few dates, but I still feel that I don’t know him well…”
To most people, the tough part about dates is the fact that they are unsure if their dates are suitable for them. They get along with their date well enough, but there’s always a nagging feeling that something is missing and that feeling is hard to put into words. The main reason behind is probably due to the fact that they aren’t able to fully understand their dates.
As such, most people want to get to know the person they are dating without having to go on too many dates. To put it simply, most want to find out if their dates are suitable as life-long partners in the shortest possible amount of time.
Today, we will be giving you some dating hacks to help understand the person you’re dating inside out within three dates!
Date 1: First impressions matters the most
First impressions count. Yes! You have heard this countless times, but many people still neglect this.
“Why is he wearing a polo shirt with sport pants?Is he going to the supermarket?”
“How can she not put on makeup for our first date? Is this really a date for her?”
However, first impressions on a date are not just about looks.
“He took almost an hour to find parking. I was getting anxious just waiting for him.”
“She took so long to decide on a restaurant! What’s worse is that when we got there, it had already been closed for half a year!”
Our attitudes and behavior on the first date often have the most impact on the other person.
In psychology, this is called the “primacy effect”. The very first interactions that you have with your dates are the ones that are easier to “recall” later and, hence, affect their impression of you down the road. As such, it’s more important than ever to make the first impressions lasting!
Other than establishing a firm first impression with your date, we also recommend for you to do a bit of small talk with your date. Start with a light conversation. If all goes well, you can slowly inch towards the heavier topics. Always avoid those intrusive and interrogative questions! Your ability to carry on small talk can show your ability to carry conversations, which may leave a good first impression. Of course, this is up to your own discretion. Never, never make your date feel uncomfortable with those “How was your previous relationship like?” type of questions!
Date 2: Are our values and beliefs compatible?
As the dates progresses, we can slowly ease into a conversation about each other’s values and beliefs.
Let’s use a real life example. This particular client liked the personality and appearance of the woman we introduced him to. During one date, they started talking about a popular TV show. Our client wanted to discuss the plot and the underlying motives of the characters, but this woman was only interested in the superficial looks of the main characters and the gossip that happened outside of the show. It was such a turn-off for him!
Ultimately, values and beliefs on certain topics still build the foundation for whether two parties will get along well.
The topics that you talk about can determine the way a person thinks. Talking about past experiences can uncover a person’s values; and talking about how you envision each other’s futures can help you determine if there’s one with both of you together..
Date 3: A person can lie about their intentions, but they can never hide their actions
For the third date, instead of the usual cafe or restaurant, try going on a day trip to see how your date behaves and interacts with other people. Some prefer the outdoors, some prefer to explore the city. In fact, conflicts could arise even during the planning of these dates!
Here is one real life example. Kathy (who was one of our clients), met up with Daniel for a day trip. Before this, Daniel was still “unsure” about Kathy because he didn’t know her well enough. Nevertheless, Daniel asked Kathy out on a hiking trip to Half Moon Bay in California. Both agreed to meet early and Daniel took the initiative to drive both of them there. Because Daniel was driving both of them there early in the morning, Kathy wanted to show her appreciation So, Kathy prepared breakfast for both of them which they ate before heading out. In fact, Kathy was meticulous. She brought sunscreen and energy bars for the hike. As for Daniel, he brought water for the trip. During the hike, he always scouted the hiking path beforehand to make sure it was safe..
In fact, right after the hiking trip, Daniel confessed his feelings for Kathy. Daniel was very surprised and touched that Kathy was thoughtful enough to prepare a warm breakfast for both of them. As well, Daniel couldn’t help but notice that her house was also very tidy and clean. All these small details caused Daniel to become even more attracted to Kathy.
Often, when someone describes oneself, it is common for them to make themselves sound better than they actually are. They often neglect the fact that small details and actions are usually the ones that can never be hidden.
Remember to take note of all these valuable pointers, continue to be yourself and make a conscious effort to understand and discover yourself and the people you date. This is how you can get to know your dates inside out!
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