Friends With Benefits: Is It Necessarily a Bad Thing?
To end the year with a boom, in this week’s survey for our 2RedBeans users, we decide to touch on a sensitive, provocative yet intriguing topic: friends with benefits, or FWB in short.
The definition of FWB is as such: a relationship that has companionship (the friends part) that involves something intimate, such as making out and sex (the benefits part).
Let’s jump right into the numbers, shall we? *rubs hands*
The results
Out of the 357 male respondents, 67.8% of them are open to such relationships. Interestingly, 91% of those who had such relationships before are willing to do it again in the future.
The numbers for female respondents are slightly on the other end of the spectrum. The majority of the female respondents are not keen on such relationships, with 54.4% of them stating that they are not open to such relationships and will never try them. Almost half (about 46.2%) of the females who are ok with such relationships will not try them.
Let’s be really honest with ourselves. The numbers that we got are not unexpected. In fact, it reflects the Asian society very well. Let’s face it. The patriarchal basis of the Asian society meant that with our espoused values, the concept of virginity in women is laden with notions of purity and worth. 54.4% of women are not open to the idea of having a relationship just for sexual benefits? Meh. 67.8% of men are open to the idea of having a relationship just for sexual benefits? Meh. It just proves the patriarchal values that have been passed down, which incited such responses. Surely you have heard these before:
“Sex is a symbolic ritual. Do it only after you are married.”
“If a girl is not a virgin, she would have a hard time to find a guy to marry to because she is not pure anymore.”
In fact, it might even be hard to believe that majority of Asians are open to the idea of having friends with benefits. (I’m sure you are probably smirking in front of your screens, agreeing with what I’ve said)
However, patriarchy and tradition are just some reasons for people to be skeptical of a relationship solely for sexual benefits. Putting them aside, as the society modernizes, another reason arises. In general, people are highly skeptical of sexual relationships. How is it possible for someone to have sex over and over again, without falling in love with that person? Others think that these sexual relationships are based on compulsive sexual desires that are deprived of emotion.
What I Think
In my opinion, I think that there is an in-between, sort of like a “median line”, for love and having sexual relationships for the sake of it. There are no hard and fast rules to follow. Think of it this way: you could have an intimate relationship, yet you do not have to come under the burden of expectations, jealousy.. that sort of obligations you would face in a highly invested (emotionally) relationship. Expectations lead to disappointment, jealousy leads to resentment. In summary, you are in a relationship without having to have the ownership of your partner.
We are taught (more so, I believe, for Asians) that marriage is the end goal, and if you fail to achieve it, you have failed entirely. I believe that having a relationship of friendship solely for sexual benefits can provide enlightening and fulfilling perspectives. These perspectives can be ignored due to our emotional investment in a serious, marriage-as-an-end-goal kind of relationship with someone. Have an open mindset, and you could even possibly learn more about yourself!
This is, of course, solely my own opinion! Feel free to debate about it. Leave your comments down below!
Happy New Year folks, and see you next year.
Our previous posts:
- Would you date someone older or younger than you?
- Would you reject, accept, or ignore a second date?
- What gifts do girls really want?
My personal experience tells me not to believe your survey. Sorry. Chinese women enjoy and want sex as much as any other. They want to be charmed and seduced, which Chinese men have no idea how to do. They want to be respected and treated as an equal, which Chinese men don’t often do. There are lots of Chinese women that just want a guy to eat and chat and have sex with to relieve their emotional stress from working so much, but don’t want a full time boyfriend or husband in their life that is demanding of them.
Being that I’m not really anonymous here and basically have been living on both ends of the spectrum please take it from sex is a very beautiful and necessary aspect of loving relationship !! But !!!!!!! That being said its not a terribly bad thing to wait . For intimacy has it’s place between people in love but its only one part out of many integral parts that make up a loving caring relationship !
In My Opinion I see FWB relationships more leaning towards Gifts as sort of a Barter system.
I have found that Many Chinese woman have almost no grasp of Sex as a recreational pastime and form of relaxation in and of itself. It is to be performed to make a Baby, almost as if it was a chore.
She will date me but unless I am forthcoming, the prospect of a more intimate relationship is pushed back.
Im Americian Male and for me the concept of sexual relations With an attractive Chinese woman is tantalising. Especially since Her experience in that area is usually quite limited . ( She got Married had a child came to USA husband divorced her !)
I have Had 3 Long term relationships with Beautiful Chinese woman since my wife passed in 2011. I thought they were serious and romanticly based only to find they were actually FWB