After three dates, I have reaped more than just love
中文 | English
We’d like to thank Nick Fang for translating this article from Chinese to English and Jason Kwan for proofreading it. If you would like to help translating or proofreading our articles, please email firstname.lastname@example.org
My name is V.
“I am not spending my birthday alone next year”. This was my 29th birthday wish. I had friends planning on getting married, and friends planning on having a second child, whereas I’ve been stuck my head into work all these years. I felt like my life is so behind.
Trying out 2RedBeans’ one-on-one service was just a gamble, after all, relationships are so complicated. Love happens and ends without any warning. Entering an exclusive relationship within three dates sounds like mission impossible.
Love is not all about feelings
What type of guy am I looking for? In our in-depth interview, I told the consulting team on top of the measurable qualities, I also doesn’t wanted anyone who is too techie.
I, myself, work in the tech industry; I have come in contact with many tech colleagues over the years. We can talk all about tech-related topics, but never come close to anything romantic. I tried to date a tech guy in the past. we went out dating like an under-covered food appraiser, commenting on various dishes. We had no common topic besides that. Both of us were tired after a meal and went home separately afterward. Not too long after, both of us came into agreement that we’re better off as friends. Ever since then, I’ve never dated tech guys anymore.
“Other than not wanting a tech guys, I have no other needs. It all comes down to feelings during interactions”. But that wasn’t enough to satisfy my consulting team. Bessie and Mandy talked with me for more than an hour trying to figure out my past experience and dating history in order to help me sort out a list of specific standards. I’m used to enjoy the ride and never tried to summarize and learn from the past. Under the guidance of the consulting team, I quickly realized that I was repeating the same mistakes for the past few relationships.
During the interview, Bessie struck me with a line: “V, if you date only based on how you feel, then finding love becomes a game of lucky draw. The reason why you never get the right guy is that you never truly understood yourself.
A picture is worth more than a thousand word
When the team started to help me prepare for my profile, I never thought my picture selection would be so bad. I’ve carefully selected these photos and have used them on different platforms for a long time.
“V, you have a good-looking body, but it’s all covered up in the picture by these oversized clothes”.
“You have good quality pictures, but we need to maximize your selling point and advantages, to get people hooked at first glance”.
As a woman, I was confident about my aesthetics and photo editing skills. But this time around felt like that I was barely passing in this subject. I never thought that a simple photo can have memorable points. Mandy recommended a local photographer. And I was truly surprised after I got the photos back, especially one photo of me playing piano. In that photo, I was focused and gentle at the same time, a side of me that I’ve never seen before. If it wasn’t for Mandy, I would not ever even thought about showing off my piano skills through photography.
Love is about breaking stereotypes
After some preparation, I went on my first date with the consulting team’s recommendation. My date worked in the finance industry. We had completely different backgrounds. He had diverse knowledge and vision. Talking to him was not boring at all. He completely matched the standards that the consulting team and I established earlier.
However, after chatting with him for a while, it seemed apparent that he was losing interest. But I couldn’t figure out why. Afterwards, Bessie analyzed our conversation and went through my feelings with me. We found out that my date was very willing to express himself, but he wasn’t very keen to give enough attention to me.
“V, you are a delicate person that takes care of other people’s feelings, but you also need someone who is detail oriented and can sense the minor changes in your emotions. This way it won’t be very tiring for you when you are in a relationship”. After the first failed match, Bessie updated and improved my dating standards. After all, it’s hard to quantify these standards all by myself.
Just like that, my needs became clear over time as I started to date different guys. The next guy they recommended to me got closer to my dream type. And, surprisingly, I actually found my soul mate on my third date.
The funny thing is, S was the type of guy I explicitly tried to avoid in the first place. When Bessie recommended S to me, she said: “Tech guys weren’t your taboo type. It was that the guys you met in the past had your dealbreakers”. Right, I got to admit that I have stereotypes about them. What I needed to do to meet the right guy was to break the stereotypes.
Finding the right guy in three date was not mission impossible
“I always thought highly of girls who plays piano”. This was what S said when we had our first video call. I was surprised because he actually read my profile and photos.
The way he asked questions made me feel very comfortable. Before he asked me anything he would share his feelings and story first. He allowed me to take over the topic easily and naturally, according to my own pace.
Soon, I broke the ice. It was the first time I had such a great conversation with a stranger. We soon found out that we had a lot in common.
After the video chat, I said to Bessie: “it was amazing, like reuniting with an old friend”. I got his feedback from Bessie and said that “she was shy, like the girl from next door”.
Finding the right guy in three dates was not mission impossible. Just a couple days ago, I had my thirtieth birthday, and this time I was not alone, rather I had a boyfriend to celebrate with me. Life in the thirties seems like a new chapter in life. And luckily, I had S on my side.
This was the story of S, a client of our matchmaking services. What made us happy was that, not only was she able to find a partner, but she also had tremendous growth throughout our services. This growth included self-awareness, communication skills with guys, problem solving skills, and more. Growth was the key to success for her.
If you have questions on finding love, feel free to contact a 2RedBeans consultant for advice.