On October 13, more than 100 singles turned up for our annual The Secret singles party.

Among the secrets they shared, some were related to travel:

  • “I have a special pillow that I always use for my flights.”
  • “I like to bring my blanket along with when I  travel.”

Some were related to sleep:

  • “I always turn on soothing music before I sleep.”
  • “I have a habit of putting a glass of drinking water somewhere near my bed.”

Some were related to one thing that they always had to do:

  • “I always check if I locked my doors and windows and turned off any appliances before leaving the house.”
  • “I always have my keys, wallet and phone in specific pockets, so that it is easier to check what’s missing before heading out.”

From these different types of secrets, we can see different sides of people. In fact, after the event, the guests told us that after so many other events, this was the one that allowed them to be more comfortable in their conversations. Using the theme ‘The Secret’, the event created a safe and accepting environment that allowed guests to share their past experiences, family backgrounds and even talk about more controversial topics like their beliefs. We often think we have to take time to get to know someone before discussing our secrets or other “serious” topics. This event proved otherwise. But does sharing secrets help build a stronger relationship between couples?

When we share our secrets, we also reveal our weaknesses

A secret is called a secret because we don’t want anyone to know about them. They often relate to past experiences we’ve had, habits we’ve developed and so on. They might be experiences that not a lot of people would go through. They might be negative experiences where talking about them is like opening a forgotten wound.  Revealing one’s secrets is throwing oneself into the unknown. Who knows if the other person will judge us because of them? We crave acceptance from others. As such, when everyone talks about their secrets, people become more accepting of each other.

Revealing weaknesses shows courage and a person’s true self

Revealing your weaknesses is courageous. The ability to reveal them shows that you’re able to withstand the criticism and judgement of others. It also shows you trust the person you’re being vulnerable to. That person may end up trusting you as well.

Let’s go back to the story of Cici who told us she fell madly in love with her boyfriend when he cried in front of her. As strong as her boyfriend seemed, there was one day he broke down in front of her. They were out on a date when he received a call. Almost immediately, his expression became very serious. After hanging up, he was silent the entire day. As they started heading home, he suddenly hugged her and cried, “My parents filed for divorce.”

At that moment, Cici felt as if she stepped into her boyfriend’s world. It was as if he became a child all over again, wanting someone to take care of him. From that point onward, she cherished the trust he put in her even more.

How does one reveal their weaknesses then?

Revealing your weaknesses doesn’t mean revealing everything to anyone! It depends on the situation and how the other person responds.

Let’s say a person was raised by a single parent. They can talk about it and see how they respond during the date. If this person is already in a relationship, they can talk about how growing up with a single parent affected their upbringing and their thoughts and opinions on this.

We talked so much about revealing our weaknesses, but perhaps the hardest thing to do isn’t revealing weakness, but accepting the fact that one can have their ‘weak moments’.

This leads us to a story of one of our clients, Nicky. She and her boyfriend were together for nearly three months. One time, she invited him over to play games. During one of their games, her boyfriend casually mentioned, “Let’s eat at home this weekend, shall we? You cook, I’ll wash the dishes.” Nicky was caught off guard. She was never good at cooking, which is why she often asked her boyfriend to eat out. The sudden, yet casual comment her boyfriend made gave her no room for escape. On the day itself, she secretly ordered out and put the food on her own plates. Her boyfriend praised her cooking, only for her to feel even more ashamed of herself. She finally revealed that the food was not prepared by her but rather, bought from a restaurant. Her boyfriend reassured her, “I’m not looking for someone who knows how to do everything. I’m looking for someone like you.”

It was at this moment that Nicky realized she could be someone who has weaknesses. She just needed to embrace them like her boyfriend did.

We hope everyone can find someone who can accept them for who they are, and for someone who they can give their love to.

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