All your relationship and dating questions answered
This 520, 2RedBeans had a “Makeover for Singles” event to help answer your relationship and dating questions. With more than 600 responses, there was a large variety of questions asked. We grouped these questions into five main topics and had our matchmakers answer them for you.
Our matchmakers may have the answers you’re looking for
This week, we will be picking one lucky winner who will receive our high-end matchmaking consultation service valued at $3500.
Questions involving communication
Q: How long should I chat on dating app before meeting the person in real life?
A: There is no specific answer to this question. The duration depends on your understanding of the person and the person’s understanding of you.
If you click with the person you’ve been chatting with and they match what you said you’re looking for, then we suggest meeting up as soon as you can. Meeting up within 1 to 2 weeks of knowing each other would be ideal. This is because the ‘excitement’ of meeting someone new may die down after 2 weeks.
If you still can’t get much information about the person even after talking to them, then you have to figure out if there are any red flags. If not, it would still be better for both of you to meet in real life to speed up the process, and this can take place within 1 to 2 weeks as well.
Q: How do I avoid the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time and jump right into really getting to know each other?
A: There exists a psychological barrier for communication between people. For people that we are familiar with, we can jump straight into a conversation. For strangers, we need to establish a “comfortable communication zone”.
It is good to start off as if you are trying to make a friend, but if it progresses to questions like “what are your hobbies and interests”, it can make the other party think that they are in an “interview”, creating a distance between both of you.
We suggest starting with some small talk:
“Was there traffic on your way here?”
“I like the atmosphere of this place. It’s also my first time here!”
Once the atmosphere becomes more relaxed, you can then delve into a deeper, proper conversation.
Questions about meeting the right person
Q: How can I be more efficient in meeting the right person?
A: Truth to be told, meeting the right person is not a random event. First, you have to know what kind of person you like and what kind of person would like you and thinks suits them well.
The most important thing is to first understand who you are as a person and what makes you stand out and more attractive among others.
Q: Should I keep my high standards or should I settle for someone?
A: Perhaps the more important thing is, are your standards a true reflection of your needs, or are they simply there to meet someone’s needs and standards?
There is no need for you to change your standards. Stick to those that are important to you, and abandon those that don’t resonate with you. Adopt and maintain an open mindset!
Interaction between both genders
Q: Should I compromise for someone or should I stick to my true self?
A: How long do you think you can compromise for someone? No one can truly “pretend” to be someone forever.
The success of a relationship is not dependent on how attractive you and your partner are at your best, but rather, the acceptance of each other flaws at your worst. What is important in a long-term relationship is the sense of intimacy, equality, and comfort in each other’s presence. Compromising for each other can only contribute to the distance between both parties.
Q: In the event where both parties do not have much in common, how do we keep things fresh?
A: Common interests are not the only thing that attracts like-minded people. In fact, for the majority of the couples that we have encountered, they do not have many interests in common. In addition, the feeling of “freshness” often dies down after some time. The willingness to understand the likes and dislikes of your partner, the willingness to try something new together and perhaps even starting a new hobby together would be more important.
Q: How do I know that I’ve entered into a romantic relationship?
A: A lot of people confessed that they cannot determine whether or not they have entered into a romantic relationship with the other party. First of all, trust your instincts. Do you both see each other often? Do both of you talk about private things with each other? Have you stopped seeing and dating other people?
If you still cannot determine this, why not take the initiative and ask them to see if both of you are on the same page? It is better for both of you to openly declare that you are in a relationship!
Differences between men and women
Q: He obviously is interested in me, but he keeps “disappearing”! Should I wait for him?
A: The answer to this depends on the situation. How far have you progressed? Are both of you in a romantic relationship, or are both of you still in the dating stage?
If both of you are still in the stage of dating and getting to know each other, it is better to adopt an open mindset. Go ahead and continue meeting new people and try things out with others. Instead of playing the waiting game, why not take the initiative?
Q: Many men do not have any relationship IQ at all.
A: Relationship IQ, like EQ and IQ, are innate in a person, and requires time to develop. Sadly, we do not have “relationship IQ” classes. As such, relationship IQ takes shape from their family background, upbringing, environment and life experiences.
What we can do is take note of the personality of the person. Is there something that you find truly attractive in him? If he is relatively dull and boring but happens to be the type you appreciate, you can take the initiative as well!
Questions regarding intimate relationships
Q: For most people, what are the reasons to get married?
A: Most people would answer that it is because they love their partner. However, here are some other reasons we’ve heard:
- In order to not feel alone
- For the growth of both parties
- For company and taking care of each other
- For managing finances together
- For parents
- To have children
Q: I always have difficulty figuring out what should be the same and what should be complementary in a relationship
A: We can always choose what we want to be the same between both parties and what we should complement each other with.
For the sake of this question, the best is to share the same or similar values, and then complement and compromise with each other with your life skills. It is not necessary for you to search for something in a person to make up for what you are lacking. For example, if you are very introverted, it does not mean that you need to find someone who is extroverted to “make up” for your introversion. Instead, ask: how can an extroverted person complement my needs?
Understand your strengths, recognize your flaws. This is the first step of becoming a better version of yourself, and you would then be able to attract someone who is suitable for you.
Q: Does jealousy have a place in a healthy relationship?
A: It is natural for a couple to have some form of “exclusivity” from the relationship itself. Anger and jealousy are typical reactions, but they are indications that your partner cares about their relationship with you. You should always sound out with your partner if you feel a sense of insecurity and have an open discussion about it.
We would like to thank all the participants in our 520 Makeover Event for Singles for making these questions and answers happen! We will be choosing our lucky winner for our high-end matchmaking consultation service valued at $3500. This service will answer all your dating and relationship questions and provide targeted solutions for you. Stay tuned!