Data released by the National Bureau of Statistics and Ministry of Civil Affairs shows that the marriage rate among unmarried people is at a 5 year low of 7.2‰. Conversely, the divorce rate has been increasing steadily for the past 7 years. Nearly 40% of marriages do not last more than 2 years.

According to research by China’s Justice Big Data Research Institute on 1.4 million divorce cases, the top reason for a divorce is incompatibility, which stands at 77.51%. This number far exceeds the second top reason for a divorce which is domestic violence.

Marriages aside, there will always be some type of conflict in a relationship. What bothers us the most is knowing what to do when there’s conflict or issues of incompatibility come up. Should we try to work things out or should we give up altogether?

 

What are some of the reasons we have seen for working things out?

“I’m too lazy to date again.”

“Nothing is perfect… Good things require hard work.”

“It’s hard to find someone decent at my age. I don’t want to give up so easily.”

 

What are some of the reasons for giving up?

“The relationship will never be as it was after trying to work things out.”

“There are more important things to deal with like my career or education. I don’t want this relationship affecting them.”

“I can’t stand all the nagging.”

“Maybe we just aren’t compatible. Why should we waste our time?”

 

What are some of the reasons for adopting a “wait and see” approach?

“As long as our values don’t conflict, I’ll try to make things work.”

“Depends on whether the relationship is going to lead to marriage.”

 

Working things out or giving up should not be the end goal. Happiness is.

Whenever we run into these issues in relationships, we often have to make a choice. Ultimately, it comes down to a common goal of wanting to attain happiness for everyone involved. To make the right choice, we need to understand what caused the conflict in the first place. Is it a problem with how we deal with our emotions, how we think or differences in our values?

 

Dealing with emotions

Minor arguments between couples can be resolved. This relies on controlling one’s emotions. Venting frustrations can happen because of a bad day at work or simply feeling tired and irritable. In fact, the inability to control one’s emotions can magnify even the smallest of issues.

In order to solve this problem, it’s important everyone involved understands there is a problem in the first place. It’s important to note that negative emotions might not always be due to the relationship but because of this inability to control one’s emotions.

Our matchmakers think that a healthy relationship stems from good emotional health. Without proper self-control and emotional control, relationship issues may arise again.

Conflict in the ways we think

The differences between men and women in how they approach issues have been discussed for decades. For example, women are often thought to want some form of reassurance and comfort from others as they are more “emotional”.

Whether you’re a man or woman, the important thing to note is that we need to take into account other’s perspectives. We need to be open and honest with each other, communicate what we really want and lay out our point of view so others can understand where we’re coming from. Like we’ve said many times before, adopt an open mindset!

Conflict in values

If problems in a relationship don’t come from the above two issues, it might be because of a conflict in values. For example, the environment one was raised in may create conflict.

Differences in values are hard to solve since these are the culmination of experiences throughout a person’s life. But, if we truly like someone, we need to take a step back and look at issues from the other person’s point of view. Similar to what we would do if we had a conflict in the way we thought. Most important, we have to be willing to change things for the better and to make sure that everyone works hard to achieve the happiness they’re looking for.

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