Finding someone who’s outstanding in their profession? Easy. Finding someone who can take care of you? Easy. But can you find someone who you can truly understand you?

Why do we place so much importance on the need to understand your other half?

When someone understands you for you who are, you will then have the freedom to be yourself

A friend of a matchmaker at 2RedBeans recently relocated to San Francisco for work. This brought her into a long distance relationship with her boyfriend, who works in New York City. She flew back to New York last Christmas just to spend some quality time together with him. There were so many photos of them on Instagram spending time together over Christmas that it looked like they were having the time of their lives.

Seeing this, our matchmaker texted her: “You seemed to have enjoyed yourself during Christmas. You and your boyfriend looked so lovely together!” She, however, gave an unexpected reply: “Actually, being with him is starting to get tiring. The photos were just for show.”

Turns out that whenever she hung out with him, she had to put his needs over hers most of the time. Every date seemed to revolve around what her boyfriend wanted.

“Our dates are good. He has good taste. He knows which restaurants are good and the right presents to give on each occasion, but these aren’t what I want. Because he’s good at whatever he does, I’m afraid of making mistakes. I’m scared he’ll take these mistakes as weaknesses.”

If her boyfriend really understood her, she wouldn’t feel as though she was struggling in the relationship. The reality is there’s no one who you can proudly say understands you in and out as a person. Ultimately, everyone comes from different backgrounds. We can’t possibly understand someone in their entirety let alone find someone who can understand us in our entirety.  The fact that your other half makes a constant effort to understand you as a person is what’s important in a relationship. This shows that your other half accepts you for who you are instead of trying to change you. It means you’re good enough for them to want to put in the effort to get to know you better.

Having someone who understands you for who you do not only help you accept that you aren’t perfect (no one is!), but it also means you’ll learn to be more accepting of them as well.

Just last year, Yoki, one of our clients in New York, got engaged to her fiance Hank after having met him just one month prior. She told our matchmaker Jessica that the reason she said yes was that she felt Hank really understood her as a person. As a workaholic, she often has last-minute meetings, which means Hank either has to wait for her or she has to cancel on him. He, however, never once complained. She felt reassured since she often felt guilty keeping him waiting. Through Hank’s actions, we can see that Hank actually took the effort to understand Yoki, making her feel better as a result.

In addition to his patience with Yoki, Hank almost always replies to Yoki’s messages within a minute. Hank told us that during their first date, Yoki unknowingly told him that one of her family members back home in China was rushed to the hospital back. Alone in America, she was anxiously waiting for updates from her family, but no one replied because they were busy in the hospital. She didn’t sleep as she stayed up to wait for updates. To Hank, he realized the importance of replying quickly and he kept that in mind.

Also, as Yoki is an indecisive person, Hank’s meticulousness and decisiveness won her heart. He always takes the extra effort to plan their dates when she can’t seem to make up her mind. He will narrow down the choices for her to choose from. Gradually, he managed to figure out her likes and dislikes and understood her even better.

When someone goes the extra mile to understand you through their actions, it makes you feel more connected to them, and it makes you feel “special”. They might not be the most capable person you will ever meet in your life, but they will be the best person for you.  

We hope that you can find someone who truly understands you for who you are.

We want to be the one to help you find that someone you are looking for. Click here for a free 10-minute consultation with our matchmakers.

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